Let me ask you something… How do you know what you know?

Now, I’m not referring to something you’ve learned. I differentiate knowledge from knowing. Knowledge is what we get when we read books, journal articles, or watch TED talks. Knowing is when we connect with an experience we’ve had personally. Some call it intuition or the sixth sense. Either way, it comes from the inside, not the outside, and is accessed most easily by stillness — meditation and other contemplative practices.

I have an interesting story to share with you. If you’ve been engaging with me for a while you know that one of the topics I’m most passionate about discussing is how this thing we call “I” – our identity – is fluid and ever-changing. We avoid cognitive dissonance (when our beliefs are misaligned with our behaviours) when we’re mindful of these shifts and curiously ask ourselves, “how do I want to be today?” rather than fixating on notions of who we already are.

Yesterday I attended a funeral for a 17 year old boy named Sharne who hung himself. There were at least 300 others, people of all demographics, spilling out of the large church in the Western Suburbs.

Sounds of soft sobs filled the room as people shared stories about this beautiful young man with a “million dollar smile and a billion dollar heart.” The heartbreak, grief, and sorrow were palpable. I never even met the lad (he’s the son of one of my partner’s oldest friends) and still I couldn’t help feeling overcome with emotion, barely able to swallow because of the lump in my throat.

I’m feeling inspired by a Tim Ferris podcast featuring Tony Robbins – arguably the most well known person in the personal development industry. He popularised coaching and by being a life coach, made it something available to more than just executives and peak performers. For that, I’ll always be grateful to him (coaching has irrevocably transformed the quality of my life and countless others I know). However, previously much of Tony’s focus has been on achievement and success: How can we achieve more? How do we remove our unconscious barriers and blockages so we can be our best?

The cleaner the mirror the easier it is to see ourselves. I often train other transformational coaches, and regularly reinforce this fact, reminding them that learning all the sophisticated change methodologies in our toolkit will never be as powerful as when we apply them to Self. The more of our stuff we have cleared, the more fully present we can be in the space, and the more quickly those we hold space for can come to true awareness of their Self. This is the magic of the work we facilitators get to do at IBI.

In this episode of Divya’s Discoveries she explores how we can explore our fears to better understand Self.