In the past week so much has shifted internally and obviously my external experience of life has morphed accordingly. I’ll share with you the abridged version, ok? Full version will be contained in the book I’m currently writing.
Within three weeks of my seven year partnership with Kevin dissolving, I reclaimed all of the parts of my life and self I had previously delegated to him. (Check out this epic love letter I wrote to myself over the span of a few days whilst at the 6 Sense Retreat). Throughout the process of deepening my love for and commitment to Self, I seem to have manifested another person who loves me more intensely than I’ve ever been loved before. Peculiar, isn’t it? Oh the Universe works in such strange ways!
The weekend before I left Sydney to go to Tamworth, I was staying with Michael. I had met him on the last 6 Sense Retreat and because he lives across the street from my office and is clever, witty, and enthusiastically engaged in his own personal development process, we became friends. That weekend though, I noticed a shift in his energy towards me. After a week in Tamworth, I addressed the issue with him, asking him when he first noticed the energy had changed. We talked about how he needed to learn to control his energy so he isn’t waving it all over the place, and poking me with it whilst I’m on retreat. He was surprised by how strongly I could feel it whilst I’m over 400 kms away.
We discussed the energetic attraction at length, but neither of us knew what to do about it. We’d both recently had long term partnerships come to a halt and had committed to ourselves to spend time with ourselves.
The next day, I had a conversation with Gabs who reminded me that too soon is a cognitive concept, not a spiritual one. The Universe doesn’t operate on linear timeframes. If it’s showing up in the space, it’s call to action. Within the next couple days both Michael and I agreed to be open to exploring what comes of this intense attraction. (Seriously, there are no words to explain what it’s like when someone loves you with their whole mind, body, AND spirit. It’s full on, and a little bit daunting too.)
With each passing day I’m startled by how much stronger our connection continues to become. Though I’ve done well at remaining centered throughout, I’d be lying if I said I was present. I keep finding my mind wandering into daydreams of what will happen when I’m back in Sydney and we’re actually in each other’s physical presence.
I was cranky with myself last night because I felt like I hadn’t been getting enough work done. Between grieving, packing, moving, recalibrating on retreat, and now finding myself consumed by whole by a new love, business has gone into essential-operations-only mode. I also hadn’t been writing as much as I had planned, because the story keeps evolving. I had the feeling like this would continue for several more weeks – knowing that when I return to Sydney later in the week there would be other priorities.
When Michael called that evening I was feeling frustrated. I knew I wasn’t being compassionate to myself or him so I texted Gabs to help me transform my story from “I’m seriously struggling to manage this whole being in love situation and work on my business too” to a more progressive version. Here’s what she reminded me:
The business is love.
That’s it. With that simple reframe I was able to remember what’s really important – what actually matters here. We (all of us here on this planet) are here to love each other. Everything else is just the decorations on top.
Of course once I shifted back into a resourceful state I immediately noticed the structure of my shortfall: judgment. I had been “shoulding on” myself by thinking about all the things I should have been doing but hadn’t been because I was prioritising love instead. I’m much more congruent with that choice now.
Remember: the business is love. Lest we forget and get caught up in thinking that it’s the emails to send and boxes to tick. The business is love. Sometimes I pour my love all over a training room. Right now I’m concentrating it into one special being. And I feel good about that.