I’ve been writing a lot recently! Partially because I don’t have a petulant husband demanding my attention anymore. And secondly, through writing my book I realised what an effective strategy it was for me to hold space for myself and integrate new insights.
I’ve just observed a couple patterns. The first one is that amusement sometimes masks annoyance for me. It’s subtle annoyance, but it’s there.
I attended a wisdom circle of sorts recently. Someone I care about invited me, was super enthusiastic about it, but also pretty vague about what it was.
At first I thought he was inviting me to do an interview. But then when he kept mentioning other people I realised that couldn’t be the case. Anyway, I decided I’d turn up regardless because I wanted to support him.
And I’m glad I went. I got great learnings from it, mostly in terms of contrast.
When deb & I host wisdom circles, we ask questions to elicit what’s in the other person’s reality. The wisdom comes from within the person who had the inquiry, not us. We’re just shine the torch in the form of quality questions.
This experience was quite the contrary. It was about a couple people sharing their own reality in response to other’s questions. And yeah sure, there’s a place for that too. Mentoring is as valuable as coaching.
However, my preference is very clearly coaching. My preference is that rather than take the seat of the guru, point the person home to their true guru – their inner wisdom. Which is always revealing itself, and when we train our brains well we can pick up on the breadcrumbs it leaves behind.
I found it amusing during the zoom call because nothing shared was of relevance to what my unconscious was teasing out. And then the annoyance came afterwards and that was about me not clarifying “what specifically are you inviting me to and asking of me?” And then considering: is that something I actually desire independent of you. THAT is the bit that is tricky for me. Not clarifying questions part but the asking self, do you even feel called to this?
And it’s the 3rd time I’m noticing this particular pattern. Three different contexts with 3 different men I care about over the course of the past 6ish months. I want to clean up in terms of really honoring the specific way in which I would like to be relating with these people I love. Choosing a manner that feels nourishing for me too. Yes to you, no to this particular offer.
I don’t seem to have any issues with doing that in terms of my work. For example, a few weeks back when Sydney first went into lockdown mode I decided to offer seva sessions everyday for a fortnight. I could feel the heaviness in the energetic milieu and I wanted to do my part to offer some light to those who needed it most at that time.
Today one of those lovely people reached out to me and asked if she could book another session with me. And I had zero qualms about saying to her that I don’t really offer individual sessions. I might make exceptions from time to time and give people a couple opportunities to experience working with me, because the feedback I’ve gotten is that it is so different than what folks are used to so they have to experience it to get it. But after that I’m not interested in doing one off sessions.
The people I serve commit to a minimum of a 12 month journey of adventuring inward and exploring their inner landscape. And it’s not because they don’t have great insights and integrations in one session. It’s simply that it’s much more fulfilling for me to witness the full arc of transformation. I like to dive in deeply with them, to see multiple facets of their lives impacted, and the people around them inevitably enriched by their transformation too.
So that’s a context where I do consider what my ideal is as well. And I shall instruct my unconscious to offer me more examples later tonight.
But in reflecting now, I can really appreciate the strategy it uses. Appreciation in the moment so I soak up all the learnings available. Savour the moment and all it offers.
And then, annoyance after it’s ended so I can be aware that wasn’t in alignment with my values and priorities, and learn not to do it again. That’s what all 3 of those experiences with men I love had in common. Amusement in the moment, annoyance afterwards to cue me to the misalignment. The annoyance is what reveals I have zero desire to repeat those 3 experiences again.
Generative learning at its finest.
Geez I love my system. So intelligent! So much brilliance. I’m perpetually in awe of it.
See? This is why I say we all need brain training in some capacity if we desire the mind/body to effectively serve/partner the spirit.
But, of course I am bias. If I didn’t truly believe we’re all inherently wise, I wouldn’t have named my company the Intrinsic Brilliance Institute, would I? 😉